Good morning, readers! It’s been a little while since I’ve updated my blog, so I thought I’d follow up with some real talk for a bit.
The diagnosis is in: I’m depressed. This diagnosis has actually been in for a while now, but I ignored it the first time. It went a little something like this:
Doctor: “Miss, you’re depressed.”
Me on the outside: “Oh, okay.”
Me on the inside: “Psh, yeah alright, are we done here?”
I’ve always been scared of it. Depression. If I’m being honest, I knew I was depressed. I had known for a few years, but hearing the words spoken out loud was daunting. I never believed that I had a problem because my issues were nowhere near as bad as other people’s. I never believed that I had a problem because I had a great life: family and friends that love me, a comfortable life, endless opportunities. There was no reason for me to be depressed; how dare I?
What I’m slowly realizing is that it’s not necessarily depression based on circumstances, although things have been rough lately (see; recent miscarriage + life just sucks sometimes?). I finally decided after these recent events that I wanted to find out what was wrong with me once and for all. I decided to seek help.
It took a lot. Months, actually. I decided I was going to talk to my doctor about it back in October, and guess when I finally made the appointment? December. It took me 3 months to make a stupid phone call.
Anyway, I’m set to have my first counseling session soon, and I am not excited. Talking about my feelings with a stranger does not sound appealing to me in the slightest. There’s a 99% chance I’m going to cry in front of said stranger. This is not going to be an easy journey.
However, I owe this to myself. I deserve to feel good and healthy in all ways. I deserve to resolve my mental health, no matter what I’ve been conditioned to believe about depression. My depression has effected my marriage, my physical health, my friendships, my schooling, my energy, my motivation. It has made it difficult to get out of bed, leave the house, lose weight. If I want the other aspects of my life to flourish again, I have to make my mental health a priority.
Like I said, I have a difficult road ahead, but I’ve taken the first steps toward recovery; and those are the most important. It took me about 4 years too long, but better late than never, right? I’ll try to share updates on my journey as this new year progresses and I hopefully begin to see improvements. I have high hopes for 2019 and the things I will accomplish, so look out world!